the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
