No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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