Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
