I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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