morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
