So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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