i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
