You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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