awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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