I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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