i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
