Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
