The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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