yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
