I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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