My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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