Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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