she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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