I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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