I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
