i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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