dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
