it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
