Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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