it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
