mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just found a bag of teeth...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
