after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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