So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
