You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
