Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
