Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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