Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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