Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
