Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
