grandma shit on top of the toilet
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
