What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
