It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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