Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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