She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
