gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
