A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
