No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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