sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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