ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
