So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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