I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
