Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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