god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
