this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
