i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
