A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
