Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
